Hayden Panettiere is the new Candie’s girl. As you can see from the pictures, she is looking as hot and sweet as ever. Yeah, I said hot. So what? Isn’t that what they’re going for in these pictures?

Of course it is.
Now, I have always been of the opinion that there is nothing wrong with appreciating the hotness of these younger girls. Hayden is of age and is in the same age range as the majority of chicks flaunting their shit all over the net. So no big deal right?

But then I saw this:

Wow. I get all giggly and happy around puppies too but in that clip she looks like she could have come right out of an episode of ‘My Super Sweet Sixteen’. And you know, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure she was a guest at one of the parties in an episode of ‘My Super Sweet Sixteen’ a couple of years ago!!! Errr, ummm…hmmm. Yeah, that’s just really weird.
Oh well. Best not to think too hard on this. I just have to scrub those cutesy images from the video out of my head and move on.

I could be way off base here, but I’m guessing that this kid has seen Vegas Vacation a time or two because he totally tried to pull a Rusty Griswald. In Vegas Vacation, underage Rusty Griswald gets a fake ID under the name Nick Papagiorgio and ends up having an awesome time partying it up with mobsters and bimbos.

So this 16-year-old kid in Tokyo went into a hostess bar -which is a bar where hot ladies will spend some time with you so long as you keep ordering drinks for them- and ordered two bottles of Dom and 60 other drinks and partied it up with a bunch of different hostesses. He seemed so confident and laid back about the whole thing that everyone just assumed he was some young, rich , playboy. It was only after he was asked to pay the $3490.00 tab that it was discovered that he was underage and had no money. Oops. Busted.

Had he paid closer attention to Vegas Vacation, he would have known that first you have to gamble, win a lot of money and THEN you get to party with the broads. That way you only have to worry about getting busted by your parents after your dad loses all the family’s money gambling and almost loses his wife to Wayne Newton and really…what are the odds of that happening?

Yeah, I know, I’ve seen that movie way too many times. But hey, look at all the shit it taught me. Now if only I were an underage boy, I would be having so much fun right now.

So some dude made a list with his opinion on the 20 sexiest photo shoots of 2007. I’m sharing because some of them are pretty hot and I’m cool like that. Overall the list is pretty hit and miss considering it includes that stupid twat Miss South Carolina, the chick from American Idol whose private pics were leaked onto the net and those Vanessa Hudgens pictures.

On the other hand, the list also features some smoking hot photo sets from the likes of Megan Fox, Jessica Biel, Kristin Bell, Hayden Panettiere and Nicole Eggert. And yes, I said Nicole Eggert. Some of you who are old enough may remember her from Charles in Charge and/or Baywatch. She was hot back then and I don’t know how old she is now or if she’s had some work done but she is looking damn fine in her photos.

So check out this list and click on the photos to go to each woman’s individual gallery.

Anybody remember the episode of Malcolm in the Middle where Dewey gets a cotton candy maker and keeps making it and making it and then he realizes he’s trapped himself inside the huge walls of cotton candy he’s made? No one can hear him scream for help because he’s completely insulated by the cotton candy so he just shrugs it off and starts eating his way out.

That’s what I thought of when I saw this:

It’s a personal cotton candy maker that lets you create cotton candy out of hard candy! You can watch a video of this little baby in action here. Basically you can drop a piece of any flavor of hard candy into the little hole in the middle, the candy gets heated up, you swirl a stick around the perimeter of the bowl and viola! Delicious cotton candy in pretty much any flavor you could ever want. It even works with sugar-free candies.

I want this mother-fucker so bad! But I’m poor so I don’t see that I’m going to be able to dish out the $160.00 that it costs. Maybe some generous benefactor will gift me with one! That would be awesome. Until then, I will just have to dream of the day when I can trap myself within a delicious cave of cotton candy and eat my way out. But if that day ever comes, worry not! I promise to use sugar-free hard candies for my creation.

Is there some special manual for lesbians showing them how to finger-bang each other with such skill and finesse that it’s guaranteed to be a mind-blowing experience every time? I mean, I unfortunately don’t have first hand knowledge into the sex lives of lesbians but if The L Word has taught me anything it’s that the majority of lesbian sex involves lots and lots of finger fucking and not much else.

But that’s alright I guess because apparently all lesbians are god-damn good at it. The thing is, I’ve had my downstairs diddled every now and again by myself and others and I would rate the experience as fair at best. Sure I get off, but in my opinion it is the least enjoyable way to do so.

So what’s the deal, lesbians? What’s the secret to this magical fingering technique you possess? Just this past week on the L Word, Shane got three chicks off that way and they all freaked the fuck out and acted like they were in love with her afterwards. It’s not just Shane -even though she is officially my favorite L Word girl I’d like to fuck- all of the chicks on that show seem to favor the digital stimulation over any other form of sex play. The show was created and written by lesbians so I’m guessing that this is a pretty accurate rendition of the naughty games these lovely ladies play.

Before the L Word, I had always envisioned lesbian sex as primarily encompassing lots of licking and tribadism… and by envisioned I mean that’s what I see the most in my beloved early 80’s porno and you know, how I fantasize it would be were I to ever do a chick. Now I’m wondering what’s going on down there with those magical lesbian fingers. And would someone mind writing out some instructions for me because I have got to try that shit out.

Know what I love? Zombies. Know what else I love? Strippers. Yeah that’s right, I love zombies and strippers. I should probably clarify. I’m actually terrified of zombies and really hope that a real life zombie war is never upon us but I love movies about zombies. And you should too. Not only because they’re fucking awesome but because these zombie movies are filled with valuable tips on what you might need to do if zombies ever do become a reality.

And about the strippers…I like strippers in movies AND in real life. I just like strippers. Hot, sexy, exotic, gyrating, pole-sliding, strippers.

Wait. What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah, zombies and strippers. I just stumbled upon what promises to be the greatest zombie movie ever. It’s called ‘Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!’ and you can check out the awesome trailer for it below. The movie is still in post-production so keep an eye on the movie’s MySpace here for updates on when the movie will be out. I can’t wait.

Until then, I bring you this awesome trailer. Enjoy!

Maybe that’s why most other girls and I don’t mix. They don’t get me and I don’t get them. If I have a problem with someone, I’m upfront about it. It’s how I was raised. My mom (who incidentally doesn’t get along well with other woman either) and I can get really pissed off about something, fight about it and then 20 minutes later we’re both over it…like it never even happened. I find that most guys work this way too, bring an issue up, discuss or fight about whatever it is and then it’s just done. I love that - I live that - it’s the way things should be done.

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Do either of these sandwiches sound familiar? If so, you’re most likely familiar with Chick-fil-a and the delicious chicken sandwiches and chicken biscuits that they already perfected decades ago. I used to live near a Chick-fil-a and their sandwiches are the bomb. I moved a few years ago and if I want a Chick-fil-a fix now, I have to drive a few hundred miles for it.

The McDonald’s rip-off is pretty much identical to Chick-fil-a’s save for the chicken breast being slightly smaller. I can’t really complain because now I can get my Chick-fil-a on (kinda) without traveling too far but if I owned Chick-fil-a, I’d consider filing a McLawsuit.